Self-pleasure — still a taboo?

There are many things we talk openly about today — stress, anxiety, relationships that aren't working, and even sex lives in broad terms. But one topic still makes many people change the subject or look down at the floor: self-pleasure. Masturbation. The act of enjoying your own body, alone, for your own sake. Why does something so natural still carry so much shame?

A history filled with shame — and slow liberation

For centuries, masturbation was considered morally wrong, physically harmful, and a sign of weak character. Doctors in the 1800s warned against it with all the authority they could muster. Religions condemned it. Parents stayed silent about it — or shamed children out of it. The cultural baggage we carry is heavy and old. And even though research has long shown that self-pleasure is both normal and healthy, the shame still runs deep in many of us. Psychologist Brené Brown, who has done extensive research into shame, points out that shame thrives in silence. That is precisely what makes this topic so important to talk about — because silence rarely serves us well.

What the research actually says

Studies show that a large majority of both men and women practice self-pleasure — across age groups, relationship statuses, and life situations. A study from Indiana University (Herbenick et al., 2010) showed that masturbation is common across all age groups and is not a sign of a poor sex life or an unhealthy relationship. On the contrary, many report that they know their own needs better and communicate more openly with a partner, precisely because they have spent time exploring themselves. Self-pleasure can release endorphins and oxytocin, reduce stress, and aid sleep. It is not a substitute for intimacy with others — it is a form of intimacy with yourself.

Self-love starts with knowing yourself

At Forlove, we talk a lot about self-love as the foundation for healthy relationships. But self-love is not just evening meditation and kind thoughts about yourself. It is also about having a relaxed and curious relationship with your own body — daring to feel what feels good, without needing another person's permission or presence. Knowing your own body is not selfish. It is actually a gift you also give to your future or current partners. Because when you know what you like, you can share it. And that requires having first dared to be present with yourself.

The shame around self-pleasure is not your fault — it is inherited. But it can be examined, challenged, and slowly set aside. It begins with asking yourself what you actually believe — and whether those beliefs are truly your own.

What do you think when you read this? Is there still a voice inside telling you it is wrong — and do you know where that voice comes from?